Her name was Blanka and she was a beautiful human.

For over a year, we have been processing the aftermath of a deep loss that occurred during one of our retreats. While we have shared parts of this experience with trusted members of our community, we have been feeling into when, and how, to speak about it publicly. The discernment is not simple and this share is profound medicine. These words are written through me, but they come from both Anthony and me sharing this experience with responsibility and care.

In December of 2024, one of our guests lost her life during a retreat. Her name was Blanka and she was a beautiful human.

It does not feel appropriate to share detailed accounts of what occurred. Not out of fear or avoidance, but out of respect and integrity. Each person touched by Blanka’s death carries their own truth, and this is not an attempt to define or defend a single version of events. She was deeply loved, and her life cannot be reduced to an incident or a story told by others.

This experience brought profound grief, shame, and reckoning. A life was lost under our care and it changed us permanently, in ways for which there are no words. We are sharing because we do not believe silence serves healing, and because we care deeply for humanity and the healing for us all.

There are only a few facts that feel important to name. Blanka’s death was not due to acute physiological effects of the medicine. It occurred in the context of severe natural terrain and a violation of clearly stated safety agreements not to leave the retreat area alone or unannounced. This was also an unfamiliar land that we were renting for the first and only time.

This loss fundamentally changed the way we see screening, preparation and space-holding both personally and in the community as a whole. We have strengthened protocols, clarified boundaries, and committed to ongoing emergency preparedness and response training.

In the aftermath of this experience we both stepped into a long sabbatical from facilitation. Anthony is still not serving medicine nor holding space in retreats and I am serving on a very small and intimate scale- prioritizing personal connection and depth of relational container. These evolutions have come from deep reverence and respect for the gravity of what this work carries and a much needed self-reflection and alignment in all areas of life.

We carry Blanka with us. We walk in what this experience revealed. And we continue forward with an even greater humility, discernment, and reverence for this work, in a way that ultimately words cannot describe. May everyone who was touched by this tragedy find the healing and peace that we all so greatly deserve.

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